This week, I’m busy planning a RV trip, so I’m trying to combine 3 challenges in only one story.
- Flash Fiction for Aspiring Writers, with a picture of balloons as this week’s prompt
- Literary Lion, with the word Flower as a prompt
- Color By Words, with the prompt Sleeping beauty, to write about a comatose patient.
The biggest challenge to make all 3 of them work together, is that each one has a different size constraint.
So, I wrote it in a way, that I split the story in 3, using dashes and stars to mark each part.
If you’re willing to read only the 100-175 words for the FFfAW, you can stop at the first mark and be good.
If you want the 400 words of the literary lion, you can go on until the second mark.
And if you are ok in reading a 1000 word story, you read until the end.
But in each mark, the story would sort of end in a way that made sense. So you won’t feel the story is incomplete if you don’t go on reading.
Here it goes then…
Ouch, I feel so sore today. Can’t remember why. Last thing I remember I was driving last night. Hey why didn’t my eye open? Hello? No sound? Why can’t I say anything?
“Good morning, Mr. Baller. Hope you’re well today. Look of what arrived to you this morning. A balloon and some flowers. I’ll leave them by your bed here. Now let’s check your vitals.”
Balloon? Flowers? Vitals? Am I in a hospital?
Why are people sending me balloons or flowers? I’m not a newborn baby for balloons, wonder if it says “It’s a boy!”. And boy, those flowers do smell like death. Hey, miss, do you mind taking them away?
“Very well. Your vitals are as good as can be considering the circumstances. You’re just not ready to wake up, huh? That’s ok, take your time. You’re not our only comatose patient. We’ll take good care of you. And get well soon, just like your balloon says. I’ll be back in a couple hours. See you later.”
Comatose? But I AM awake. And I don’t like the smell of the flowers. Oh my gosh! Why can’t I communicate with the nice lady. Is she a nurse? Yeah…probably.
Ok, so try to remember Peter. What happened last night? We were in a party, then we got into the car, it was me, Stacy and Sophie. Then…. Oh no! Car accident? What happened to Stacy and Sophie? Oh God! Please make them be alive and well! Please, please, please.
Oh man. I do indeed hate those flowers. Why do people send flowers to comatose folks? To make it faster for them to die with the funeral smell? To save money and buy flowers only once? Arghhh. The smell…..
“Hey Mr. Baller, that’s me again, your nurse Lilly. Anything new? Hum… guess not. Well, just checking on you. Bye-bye”
Lily? Hey Lilly? Please don’t go yet! Not before taking those flowers….. awn… she’s gone.
She thinks I’m asleep. Well, guess that’s probably the best thing to do. I’ll take a nap.
Yawnnn… awake again. And the flowers are still here, based on the smell. Note to self: do not ever send flowers to people in hospitals. Especially if they can’t ask the Lilly nurse to take them away!
I hate flowers!
“Hello again, Mr. Baller. By the way, can I call you Peter? Well, this is my last visit on this shift, so I brought you Chad, who will be the one taking care of you for the next day, ok? But I’ll be back on my next shift. Unless of course you wake up and leave before it happens. That’d be great, huh?”
“Hey man. What’s up, bro? Oh boy, you’re a bruised person alright. But I’ll tend to your bruises, ok? And will make them go away in no time. Just stay strong and sleep tight. Well, I don’t think I have to ask you to sleep right? haha. Nevermind my nonsense.”
Chad? Well, he sounds more like a basketball player than like a nurse. Bye-bye, Lilly. I’ll make sure to come and visit you if I wake up before your next shift. But hey, why don’t you or your friend Chad take those fl…
“Look at that, man! You got flowers and a balloon. ‘Get well soon.’ That’s what the balloon says. Yeah, I hope you will. I really do, man. Don’t like seeing people like that. But those flowers… Ew! Smell like a cemetery, man. Do they want to bury you already? You want me to take it away?”
Yes, please, please, please!!!
“I don’t know, man. Say the person who sent will come visit you. I’ll leave them for now. Until they’re wilted at least.”
“Talking about visits, I’ll bring you a surprise very soon. Yeah! Guess you’ll like it! See you in a bit, man!”
Surprise? What could that be? Maybe an air freshener to get rid of that smell? Guess I like this Chad too.
“Hello, hello! I told you I’d bring a surprise…”
“Dad? Oh my gosh, dad! Please, dad, don’t go. You’ll wake up, right? You sure will? Dad? Pleeeaseeee. But hey, you know what? Mom is fine. Yeah, she had to have a surgery, but she’s doing well. And she is AWAKE! So please, wake up too…. please…. for me, for her…?”
Oh sweetie, my cute sweetie pie. So glad you and your mom are ok. What surgery did she had to do? Is she really fine? And I AM awake, it’s just those eyes of mine that won’t open. And that mouth that won’t speak. And my muscles won’t move? Oh boy, I’m in trouble. I really am.
But I do want to wake up. For them!
“Well, well. Guess time’s up for you, little missy. You get to go back to your own bed, ok? Some recovery to do there as well. Hey man, I’ll see that Mrs. Baller come see you too when she’s awake, ok? Wow, girl, you have lazy sleepy parents, don’t you? haha. Sorry. Nevermind my nonsense…”
“Hello Mr. Baller, Lilly again. Did Chad take good care of you? I hope he did. He’s a nice person. I heard he brought you your daughter for a visit? Well… I guess I’ll be able to do the same. I’ll go check and will be back in a minute”
Lilly is back. I like it. And I’d love to see Sophie again. And Stacy. I’d give anything to see Stacy again, hear her voice…
“Knock knock! Mr. Baller, we have some visitors…”
“Stacy? Is that Stacy’s voice? Are both of my girls here? I gotta wake up! I just GOT to!”
“Oh Peter. How are you my love? Still sleeping? Eyes closed? Oh sweetheart, I’d give my world to see your pretty blue eyes open and well again. Please?…”
At that moment, a tear came out of the corner of his eyes and they opened for the first time in a full week!
You’ve done a great job combining the three prompts. It must be horrible to be aware but unable to move or speak. I’m glad he finally woke up. I hope you don’t mind me pointing out that it should be ‘awake’, not ‘awaken’ and you’re also missing quite a few capital letters from the beginnings of sentences. 🙂
Ooops! Fixed. The price of writing in a hurry on a language that’s not your native one… ;o)
And Oh boy! I just realize I used a lot of Oh Boys! haha.
Text is revised now. The Oh-boys stayed, but I tried to find all small caps and awakens.
You’re welcome. 🙂
Wow, I like how you combined the prompts. Good stuff!
loved it, lovely.
Very well done in combining all three prompts, Etol. Once I’d read the FFfAW part, I felt compelled to read on. Being in a coma must be such a terrible thing … to feel so helpless, yet aware of what is happening around you. At least your story had a lovely, happy ending.
Great job on combining the posts, and really clever to do them in sections. I think my favourite is the first standalone section, it has such an air of mystery left like that.
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Great post combining three prompts. Enjoyed a lot.
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