Sometimes I feel stupid

I’m 35, but sometimes I sound as if I was a teenager, or even a kid.

I don’t know why, but I just don’t like the idea of having too much responsilibity.
I raise my kid all right and for that I take the responsibility. But at work…

I’m worse every day. I don’t want to talk to people, I get lazy doing some of the tasks, some days I just sit at my desk and do whatever, except work. In meetings I barely speak.

I think I should change my attitude, but I just don’t know how! Every day in the morning I tell myself that I’ll change, I’ll be more proactive at work, I’ll do everything that needs to get done. But when I get into the office, my brain goes back to the stupid behaviour and I get all introspective again, hating to have to deal with people.

But it’s not only at work. Any kind of business. I avoid calling companys to solve problems. I always go first to their website to see if I can solve things via email. But that’s not always possible. When it isn’t then I get delaying, delaying…. sometimes I just don’t do it at all.
When I do call, it’s no big deal, 2 minutes and all is solved. But just the thought of having to call strangers makes me feel sick. Then I keep delaying, delaying, delaying….

Don’t get me wrong, I love people. I’m a pretty social person, who loves parties, chatting with friends, travelling, etc. But when it comes to talk seriously, then I change and don’t talk. I never discuss religion and politics, and that’s not because I’m afraid of being politically incorrect, it’s just because I prefer not to think about those, not to expose my thoughts, not to have to talk serious stuff…

Is that behaviour for a 35 year old?
I wouldn’t think so…
It does bother me, but I cannot change. Don’t know how!

I just hope my little one will not inherit this trait from me.
In the meanwhile I’ll keep trying…

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