Ok to feel good about something bad?

Ok. today I feel a bit weird.

I work with someone who is the opposite of me. She’s nice and she’s very efficient and gets lots of work done, but she’s also very stressed out, she freaks out for anything, she’s not too flexible and can be a bit bossy. I, in the other hand, am very relaxed, I don’t freak out at all, trusting that everything will be good at the end, I’m extremelly flexible (sometimes too much even) and I lack leadership skills, which means not a tinny little bit bossy, not even when I should be.

So we sort of complement each other and work well together. She keep things going, I keep things from falling apart. She’s the engine, I’m the cooling agent. ;o)

Somethimes I must confess it’s a bit irritating to be around her when she’s acting unflexibly, bossy or freackedy, but oh well… tha heck. That’s life. Sometimes we need to deal with people like that. Just keep swimming, just keep swimming…

In our company we have a big and heavy performance review process. And the whole process is obviously very competitive, considering that you’re compared with your peers to decide who gets what. I have been performing average at the best lately, and I always thought she’d get better reviews than me, just because she seems much more productive than me.

But today, I hear that there is a generic concern around some of our peers, some of the leaders and even our skip level, about her unflexible, bossy and irritating behaviour.

One side of me feels bad for her, because I do like her. She is a nice person. She really is. Just a bit too worrying.

But the other side one me feels great, because in regards to behaviour and relationships, all I hear people talking about me is good. And I believe people do like me because I am very flexible, I’m always smiling (truly, not faking), I’m fair, I get along with everyone. So I guess I’m seen as a light nice sweet presence. Even if sometimes I slack a bit at work, if I take too long to respond, if I lack leadership skills… And that puts me on a better position than her in that regards. So if people are to compare us, she may win on productivity, but I win on being a better fit for the team and on personal relationships, which is also valued in the company.

I’m not saying that my job is safe because of that. I still need to improve my performance (and I guess I will, now that I’m out of depression). But I just feel that, after all, I was not in such a bad position as I thought I was. Just hope not to be disapointed after performace discussion, which should happen soon…

Anyway, this conflicting feelings make me feel a bit weird.

But I guess I’ll pick the feeling good about being the nice cop and let her deal with the feedback she’ll get…

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One thought on “Ok to feel good about something bad?

  1. 8 months later, she irritated me.
    Last week we presented a proposal in a big meeting. Some of it was rejected, but it was mine and also the girls I talk about above understanding that we were still going to do the process, just don’t have one of the nice-to-have asks.
    So today I was asked to present a plan. But I actually had none and the action item we got last week wasn’t to create a plan yet, but rather to work around concerns. I confirmed the non-existence of one of the concerns (= we’re good) then I decided to double check with the other 2 people that had a work-item related to that issue if they had something.
    The 2 people were her (ok, let’s talk names since this is private now anyways), Dong, and an IPM, Sandi. The Sandi replied saying that her understanding from last week’s meeting was that we would not run the process at all. Me and Dong replied that we understood the opposite.
    Here we see the difference in attitude. I was “Really? I understood it differently’ She was: No, that was not what was decided, Sonja said so and so. You were supposed to follow up”
    that was right when the meeting was starting.
    Whi8le they talked about other stuff, the 3 of us were on email.
    Then time came I need to talk.
    So I started saying that we didn’t have a plan yet, than I was going to explain why, which was exactly that dis-understanding among the 3 of us… But as I start talking, Dong cuts me, without even and ‘excuse me’ and start saying what I was going to say, but on a inflexible, nasty, bossy tone. Sandi then tell what she thinks, and the discussion sorts of starts between them and I don’t get to say anything.
    I hated it!
    How could she cut me like that???!!!
    On my enrages state right now, I just hope that ‘helps’ people maintain their unlinking of her behavior and realize that if I didn’t say it, it was because she cut me and did not let me (if anything, I’m polite and don’t cut anyone… – or should I say I’m stupid and don’t stand up???? arghhhh!

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